March 08 - What the hell am i waiting for?

It has come to my attention that I am squandering my potential.

I have made so much sacrifice to pursue the Venusian Arts; and now that I finally eliminated one of the biggest obstacles that I personally thought was holding me back - which was the military - I figured I was going to start escalating my to become the level of a master.

Yet here I am, two months after the end of my contract, sitting in this apartment with a dead end job at Bootlegger (which is better than nothing) barely making rent and watching life pass me by. Starring at girls from a distance with a cocky smile on my face thinking to myself, 'I could go out with that' yet go home starring at a disappointed at a reflection of myself in the mirror...

...alone

Where has my Charismatic Influence disappeared to? Where has my ambition disappeared to? Has Project Hollywood Revival become an illusion in my mind? An unreachable goal? Have I been living a lie for the past two years?

NO! I refuse to be beat down. I promised myself that I would exceed any Pick Up Artist. I vowed I would help others reach their dreams, shatter their shells of disappointment.

I have come to far to sit back and let the world take me and become a pawn in its sick twisted game.

I know no one will read this. This blog site has no appeal to anyone. Can I blame them? But this isn't for them. It's for me. I need to place my tangent thoughts and somehow sort through them.

So I had one F-Close with a girl. Had a decent relationship. Destroyed my 'V' card which was mocking me for the three years I was in the military. I been dwelling on that one success, and refused to prove myself anymore. Why?

I pulled Picasso to the side one day at West Edmonton Mall and asked him what his long term goals are. I helped him push to A2. Yet I can't answer my own question? I can't push myself as much as i could, or should?

It wasn't until I took my best friend out for dinner for his birthday, that we both realized we were waiting for life to change our course. He wants to be a famous director - and the man has crazy ideas that would revolutionize the movie department, yet he's made no move to pursue that career. I was realizing, that I was starring at myself in his eyes. I saw potential hidden, an image of a power being hidden in their depths.

Suddenly I changed character. i became Charisma again. Strong, confident, determined. I was painting a picture of promise and success.

Now I have to re-sort my goals, my plans; just as my best friend has done today, to sort his future career. I promise that by Dec 08, I will master the Venusian Arts.

- Charisma